Real Touch Blog

Besides being the second movie ever scored by former Oingo Boingo Danny Elfman, Rodney Dangerfield’s epic Back to School taught us all that getting Kurt Vonnegut to write your paper on Kurt Vonnegut doesn’t work.

It also drove home what we all now know to be true which is that college was the best time of our lives and that we should have found any means possible not to leave.

So those of us who are out have to share with those of you still rushing to make class on time that the real world is not all it’s cracked up to be and fraught with peril. Besides that, there are no jobs for you so avoid it as long as possible.

For those of us who have left academia behind, all is not lost. As the collegians flock back to school, RealTouch celebrates with Back to Schoolgirls.

First we recommend Morgan Layne who’s Fresh Outta High School.

Matriculate then to the triple threat of Carmen McCarthy, Sophia Lynn, and Marissa Mendoza in various scenes from Schoolgirl P.O.V.

Then graduate to Naughty College School Girls featuring the lovely Paige Love.

And when that pretty young thing tells you her favorite subject is poetry, respond with the words of Dangerfield’s Thornton Melon, “Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.”

Remember, all exams are oral.

As American Adventures Month, which celebrates exploring the world around us in North, South, and Central America, draws to a close we’d like to expand your field of thought to consider all forms of venturing out beyond the world you know. South Central LA would be an adventure for most but we’re thinking something less geographic.

Expand your boundaries with RealTouch by experimenting with new partners and positions. Explore yourself and any bi-curiosity you may have had by crossing over to the gay or straight theater. Been wondering about a footjob or reverse piledriver, it’s adventure time.

If you’d like to keep a geographic theme, celebrate the American west by honoring the cowgirl or, as you wish, the reverse cowgirl.

You can also explore your potential with your partner as RealTouch provides real benefits in enhancing both size and stamina. There will be more to learn about this in the near future.

In any case, it’s adventure time. With RealTouch you can take a trip and never leave the farm.

If a tree falls down in a virtual world and no one’s there, does it make a noise? If you have sex in a virtual world but can’t feel it, is it worth the time?

Can you feel where we’re going here?

Since the beginning of time, the time of RealTouch that is, there’s been a discussion here as to the accuracy of using the word “virtual” to describe the experience. In the online world it has come to mean something that has the essence of being real but actually isn’t. So could RealTouch, the most sophisticated personal pleasure device ever created for man, be labeled virtual if so much of the experience is real? After all, it’s you and not your avatar that’s getting your freak on.

RealTouch is actually the best of both worlds. It delivers an authentic – considered an antonym for virtual – sexual encounter, very real in that you feel every in, out, twist, and turn, every sensation of what you’re watching onscreen. What you see is what you feel. That’s the physical part, lots of virtue – quality, asset, worth, merit, etc. – but nothing virtual about it.

But then there’s the mental aspect of the experience and here’s where RealTouch delivers the essence of the sexual experience. You can have sex with virtually as many different partners as you’d like – blondes, brunettes, redheads, anime princesses and the best bodies or otherworldly creatures that CGI can create.

Speaking of otherworldly, what would you think about having RealTouch coded to to interact through your avatars in the simulated environments of popular virtual online communities?

Here’s another thing though about RealTouch that’s not virtual. Doctors and therapists are finding that regular use of RealTouch is enhancing the overall sexual health of men by increasing both size and endurance. Now that’s some added value you can grab on to.

So enjoy Virtual Worlds Day this Friday. Really.

Hey Lefties; and you know who you are. It hasn’t been an easy path in this right-handed world. People laugh when we write upside down but we know it’s only because the cursive cabal was right-handed and that they tortured us with no place to rest our elbows on those one-sided desks in school.

But those of us in public schools were lucky. If you were in Catholic school and in a yardstick’s reach of a nun, chances are your knuckles were bloodied until you learned to write the “right” way. They took the Latin word for left, sinestra, as proof we were Satan’s spawn.

At most, we’re 10% of the population. But we color outside the lines, we’re the artists and creative ones. Right-handers never think about being right-handed. Lefties never stop.

One study found that 69% of lesbians were left-handed though the coincidence of that particular number seems to be too perfect. Still, we pass it on, as who doesn’t appreciate a little girl on girl action. That 7 out of 10 of them might be left-handed is an even greater turn-on.

So as RealTouch celebrates International Left Handers Day this Friday the 13th, we say give yourself a hand, either left or right with the gifted handiwork of Daisy Marie, Jenna Jameson or Monique Alexander.

Sizzling blonde adult star Ashlynn Brooke was the hot weather favorite among RealTouch users in July.

Sizzling blonde adult star Ashlynn Brooke was the hot weather favorite among RealTouch users in July, according to AEBN, maker of the male intimacy device that simulates the movie action they are watching on their computer screens.

Film clips starring Ms. Brooke from movies such as School Girls POV 2 and Pick-up Chicks were the most-requested among the thousands available to users of RealTouch, a device that has become so popular that AEBN has temporarily run out of stock.

Following Ms. Brooke in popularity were: Jenaveve Jolie, Lisa Ann, Jenna Haze, Faye Reagan, Penny Flame, Sasha Grey, Bree Olson, Daisy Marie and Amia Miley.

Overall, the top movie clips viewed in July came from the following features: My Dirty Angels 5, Overboard Video; About Face 2, Third Degree Films; Schoolgirl P.O.V. 2, New Sensations; Only Teen Blowjobs 7, Overboard Video; Ass Worship 2, Jules Jordan Video; POV Pervert, Jules Jordan Video/Mike John Productions; Pound The Round POV 2, Digital Sin; Pick-up Chicks, New Sensations; Barely Legal: POV 4, Hustler; POV Centerfolds 7, Zero Tolerance.

Ms. Brooke helps to corroborate the well-known slogan that blondes do it better. Her pretty heart-shaped face and hot body make her one of the most in-demand porn stars in the business. Winner of three AVN Awards, she also took home the 2008 F.A.M.E. Award for Favorite Breasts.

Former freelance paramour Holly Hill says that marriages can be saved if women would let their husbands cheat in something she calls “negotiated infidelity”. Though she only dabbled in her mistress for hire business for a year, and her real name isn’t inspired by a small town in the South Carolina swamplands, it was enough to pen a book called Sugarbabe.

In a CNN interview this week pushing the book, Hill argued for managed adultery, positing that, “a woman that negotiates infidelity with her partner is far more powerful than a woman who is sitting home wondering why he’s late from the office Christmas party,” because “it’s better to walk the dog on a leash than let it escape through an unseen hole in the back fence.”

Nice theory but this kind of story always ends with one corner of the triangle boiling your pet rabbit.

But there is a way to outsource sexual pleasure without the other woman (or man if that’s what floats your boat). And, to quote the great philosopher/singer Jim Stafford, you can “take a trip and never leave the farm.”

RealTouch offers an authentic physical and mental sexual experience that’s both satisfying and guilt free. You can have great sex with one or one hundred of the most beautiful and adventurous women you like. It’s negotiated infidelity where there’s no infidelity.

Reviews are mixed on her book but not on RealTouch. And it’s a lot less expensive than alimony.

Trust us. We have more experience at what we do than Miss Hill did at her job.

But you should have known that because this is Psychic Week and we’re not talking about (cheap TV reference alert) Shawn and Gus here. Nor are we touting a German octopus turned bookie named Paul. Seriously, Paul?

You didn’t have to be clairvoyant though to know what men wanted, what men needed and that’s what we’ve done here at RealTouch.com. While there’s nothing wrong with lending yourself a hand now and then, let’s let your palms be just for reading for a while or the occasional high-five.

If you don’t have crystal balls, we know what you want. Check out these hot scenes on RealTouch.com: Eva Angelina in Curvy Girls 5; Lisa Ann in It’s a Mommy Thing 3; and, Penny Flame in Head Case.

The headline says it all: we are currently out of RealTouch stock. Our poor little warehouses are all empty, and there’s nothing we can do but wait until new inventory comes in.

Here is the official announcement:

A deluge of requests for the high-tech RealTouch male intimacy device have created a backlog of orders for the system that has been called “the future of sex.”

“The order volume has been much greater than normal in the past couple of months and we simply have run out of machines to sell until our manufacturer replenishes the pipeline,” said Suzann Knudsen, Director of Communication for AEBN, the company that developed RealTouch with a NASA scientist and is marketing it online.

Ms. Knudsen said orders have come from across the country, but particularly from the Boston area, possibly related to an advertisement in June in The Harvard Lampoon, and a followup story in The Boston Herald, that generated considerable interest in the high tech male pleasure device.

The headline for the ad in the college humor publication read, “Technology so easy to use, even a pornstar can do you” – a reference to the fact that the system enables men to have virtual sex with an adult star they are viewing on their computer screen, including precise sensations of warmth, moistness and pressure.

The RealTouch library currently features over 1,000 scenes, both straight and gay, and hundreds of stars, a number that increases every week. Device owners can stream movies on a pay-per-view option, or choose to rental a scene for either 7 days or for unlimited access. The device also comes with a ‘free to use’ track where owners can enjoy the machine without video for no extra cost.

Another burst of orders came over the July 4th holiday, when the company temporarily lowered the price of RealTouch to $179.95 from the normal $199.95 retail price, the first discount promotion since RealTouch launched last year.

Ms. Knudsen said that anyone asking to order RealTouch will be notified that the product is out of stock and that they will receive an email alert when the supply has been replenished.

The device has earned accolades from the media since its introduction last year. After witnessing a demonstration of RealTouch on his Sirius/XM show, Howard Stern joked with his listeners: “This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life!” Hustler magazine called RealTouch the “future of sex,” while Fleshbot said, “it’s one of the most remarkable male sex toys we’ve ever seen.” Radio personalities Covino & Rich told their Sirius/XM audience it is “the best thing from NASA since man landed on the moon.”

Of course, our current device owners can keep on enjoying their devices, but the rest of you will just have to wait a little longer.

Officially, the purpose of National Recreation and Parks Month, which concludes on the 31st, is “to showcase and invite community participation in quality leisure activities for all segments of the population.” But while the folks in the Smokey the Bear hats mean for time for you and your family to get outside and enjoy America’s national parks, we fully endorse staying inside and recreate with your RealTouch.

Then again, if you’ve got one of those Battlestar Galactica-sized motor homes and a solid wireless connection, take RealTouch on the road and bon voyage. (Just not while driving please.)

If you still want to get your outdoor fix while staying indoors, we recommend Cassie Cortland in Scene 2 from Mary Carey for Governor. Her peaks are beautiful and she’s guaranteed to get a geyser from your Old Faithful.

International acclaim for RealTouch continues to grow. After write-ups and TV reports in media from countries including England, Australia, Germany, Italy and Greece among others, RealTouch is featured in popular Polish magazine Twój Weekend’s story on sex and technology in the 21st Century. They keep writing about it and it’s not even for sale in Europe yet.

What can we say? RealTouch was made to keep poles happy.