Real Touch Blog

All good things must eventually come to an end. Such was the case this past weekend for the end all be all of adult trade shows, the Las Vegas Adult Entertainment Expo. However, for three glorious days the event opened its doors to thousands upon thousands of visitors hoping to get a peek of the latest and greatest developments in adult gadgetry, and gizmodry(?), and to get a lingering look at or photo op with their favorite stars (or at least certain parts of them anyway.) Once the doors opened, eyes and mouths followed in their wake as a couple of products in particular made their presence felt. Feel is the keyword here because virtual reality and artificial intelligence hogged the limelight at this year’s party.

Two products in particular, RealTouch and Roxxxy, both took enormous steps toward the ultimate dream of humanizing technology to the point where sexual intercourse with machines becomes indistinguishable from the real thing. Both, however, attack the issue in very different ways. RealTouch is a handheld unit that employs haptic (or touch) technology to sync it’s movements to specially encoded videos. As viewers watch, the unit’s orifice replicates the sensation of oral, vaginal or anal sex, making the user feel as if he were the performer and not the observer. Roxxxy, by comparison, is a life-size facsimile of a woman with anatomically correct features, including the three all-important, strategically placed entryways. She also has the added element of artificial intelligence that helps her to “talk, listen, carry on a conversation, feel your touch and be your true friend,” according to the website.

While both are amazing in their own right, Roxxxy generated just under a 1-to-1 ratio of Google stories to that of the Google Nexxus phone within 24-hours of the expo’s conclusion, making it the hit of the show – and for very good reason. I mean, come on. It fucks, it talks, it sleeps, it snores and it even likes what you like. That’s pretty hard to beat…or is it?

Here are 10 reasons why RealTouch is the product that should have snagged the lion’s share of headlines over Roxxxy and why it should be more appealing to consumers in the long run.

10. Price. RealTouch will set you back $199. In a down economy this is a reasonable amount to fork over for a sophisticated product that will deliver ten or more times the returns in rock ripping orgasms. Roxxxy, as amazing as she is, checks in with a price tag of $7,000 – $9000. Yes, that’s just 210 easy payments of $29.95 each for the base model, but it’s also roughly the price of a new Kia Spectra. Sure, they’re both great rides, but the Kia will have a higher re-sale value.

9. Features. RealTouch doesn’t talk. Look, there’s nothing wrong with a truly realistic sex product. One that can talk dirty and respond to how and where it is touched most definitely fits the bill. However, considering that Roxxxy’s mouth doesn’t move and, according to witnesses, its synthetic voice sounds like Stephen Hawking, putting your cock into this thing probably feels much like fucking a ventriloquist with a Speak & Spell. Ventriloquists are not sexy. Speak & Spells could be if only their “p’s” didn’t sound life “f’s”.

8. Size. RealTouch is small. It is discreet. It is not instantly recognizable for what it really is. That means should you happen to leave RealTouch in plain view, and should someone rummage through your room while you’re not home, they’ll most likely find your drugs and the illegal weapons cache before they figure out why the hell you would want to purchase such a strange looking coin bank.

7. Weight. RealTouch is portable. At just a few pounds, you can easily use it in any-sized room in any number of crazy positions while standing, sitting, or reclining. Roxxxy is 5’7” tall and weighs 120 pounds, so you’ll need quite a bit of space to maneuver to show that unwieldy, automated sexpot what kind of lover you are. Frankly, you might derive more joy from giving her a sweater and a Cubs hat and sticking it to the man in the HOV lane on the way to work.

6. Overt creepiness. RealTouch doesn’t have eyes that follow you across the room. ‘Nuff said.

5. Efficiency. Whereas Roxxxy has three holes, RealTouch has a single orifice that adjusts to replicate authentic oral, anal and vaginal sex. It’s a 3-in-1 proposition, making it kind of like Aquafresh for your penis without the ethanol that makes your mouth burn. Just one hole also means less room for error and fewer brain processes needed when you come home drunk and alone and need a quickie.

4. Effort. RealTouch does the work for you. No more panting, sweating, headboards smashing against walls or primal screams keeping the neighbors awake until all hours. Just hold in place and enjoy. Roxxxy, on the other hand, just lays there and talks a lot, but never puts her mouth where the money (shot) is. While this setup is great for Dom/Sub or perhaps Green River fetishists, it would probably make most people feel like they are being heckled. It’s hard to feel good about yourself under those circumstances.

3. Reliability. The amazing RealTouch is immune to barbs and taunts. You can call it whatever you like before, during or after the act and it will perform to the hilt, everytime, completely unaffected by your malice. Roxxxy, on the other hand possesses an artificial intelligence. Elementary Chaos Theory suggests that any unfamiliar input into a stable system could cause massive breakdowns including but not limited to eating disorders, depression and severe weight gain. Robots also have notoriously poor family support systems.

2. Quality. RealTouch has very few moving parts. Fewer moving parts mean fewer things to go wrong. And while all the bells and whistles on Roxxxy are impressive, what if she suddenly stopped talking during sex? Her malfunction might push your self-esteem right into the toilet. Don’t let a robot to make you feel inadequate. That job belongs to friends and co-workers.

1. Availability. You’re horny now. RealTouch is available now. You may have to wait a month or two for Roxxxy and by then, some rogue manufacturer may have slipped in a hair washing or headache algorithm after a spat with his boss. For the record, Pantene, Tylenol and sex do not mix.